The food gymbros eat is like what you'd give to a pitbull on their birthday
Kubernetes is a great tool for doing complex things in a relatively reliable and consistent fashion. Many people don't realise that not doing complex things is also an option h…
Guys we made up numbers and then we couldn't figure everything about them!
I had a hole in my second favorite drinking arm, and the only way we were likely to get Fabiana back now was in installments.
Well,----me,” he said. “A----ing wizard. I hate----ing wizards!” “You shouldn’t----them, then,” muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes.
His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, 'You can't trust any bug…
It's easy to condemn the "find out" when you ignore the "fuck around" that preceded it...
You had better behave or I'll wet your lips and stick you to the window
He wouldn’t give ya the steam off his piss
You wouldn't get up on them to get over a wall
You wouldn't ride them into battle/if they had pedals
If there was work in the bed, he’d sleep on the floor
If he fell down he'd be halfway home
If he were any longer, he'd be late.
If you got nothing to hide... why are you picking your nose?
That cat in the box... it's dead. Cause YOU looked at it
And how is email finding you these days?
when you have an nft........... you can look at it
The great thing about ironic detachment is that you can pull the plug and call it a joke at any time ;D
The dad joke. That's just a term for when you outgrow saying edgy shit to your friends and embrace your final phase as a human... an absolute cheeseball who takes *delight* in che…
Magic is real, and you're a wizard. I believe that. And I believe in you. Now go get that drill and drill 65 holes into your wall at random
Ideas that don't work are just as valuable to the human knowledge base as ideas that do. How many bad ideas have you had today? I've had 12. Keep it up!
Dawg I can miltytask will two monters.
I'll never get over the fact that all you people are just me with the details changed around. I don't really care for it. You know when I go outside, I expect to be treated a cert…
Perhaps I don’t understand economics, but economics does not understand me, either.
All animals are under stringent selection pressure to be as stupid as they can get away with
They call themselves right or left but none of them are here
I have this thing for... women with a pulse
If brains were dynamite, some people wouldn't have enough to blow their nose.
America will defend its homeland wherever it appears
There is an old Belfast joke about the man stopped at a roadblock and asked his religion. When he replies that he is an atheist he is asked, “Protestant or Catholic atheist?"
never forget 9/11, but do forget tower 7
As a climber, I believe in safety first. That's why not only do I never climb, I maintain a poor fitness and skill level to ensure that I never get tempted to climb
Why do I take so long to take a piss? I'm getting lectures in piss efficiency by people who took 7 years to do their undergrad
You saved me from starvation!
Do you know the difference between a bad joke and a dad joke? The first letter
Gaslight your therapist into thinking you don't have problems, and then get mad when they don't fix them
You'd get dumped by an AI girlfriend
Hobo clowns are the most dangerous cuz they're hungry
Through neutralizing the smell of gasoline, [catalytic converters] really do a fantastic job of hiding just how much gasoline we are burning
It is generally an attractive property of food to not be on the Mohs scale
Matthew Perrished
You must take your opponent into a deep, dark forest where 2+2=5 and the path leading out is only wide enough for one.
The ability to play chess is the sign of a gentlemen. The ability to play chess well is the sign of a wasted life.
If you want to clean out a haunted mansion you need a Luigi
I asked ChatGPT if I was developing cyberpsychosis and it told me that I'm too smart for that